Melissa Raj
Sexual Betrayal Trauma Coach
Betrayal Trauma, Sex Addiction, Emotional Abuse, Full Therapeutic Disclosure, Somatic Therapy, Brainspotting Practitioner
Who and why
Melissa Raj
What is Partner Betrayal Trauma? Experiences of abuse and trauma that occur when a spouse has been deceptive and unfaithful, hiding either sexual addiction or unwanted, compulsive sexual behaviors.
I am here to help encourage your healing and growth through trauma as a life coach. You have options, you have a choice and a voice, and you have innate ability to transform and heal through suffering. You do not need to wait for your spouse or partner to change or make certain "right" decisions. You are valuable and worthy to begin a healing process today.
Consider the South African fire lily who's bulb lies dormant without flowering until detecting smoke from fire. In a burnt landscape covered by heaps of gray ash and blackened bark the fire lily's seed case cracks open and sprouts upwards with intentions to reproduce. The conditions seem unfavorable yet soon the desolate land is filled with dots of glowing, red fire lilys which feed local inhabitant who are desperate for pollen.
The chaos that you find yourself in right now does not negate your ability for RENEWAL and personal RESTORATION.
I have faith in your resilient ability to transform through trauma.
It is my honor to be present to your pain and help guide you into healing, freedom and new life.
Not a Solo Journey
Traumatic pain is devastating. We all need help.
I tend to think that we were made for community. However trauma and severe pain can disassociate us from familiar, historically reliable, relationships.
Often "close others" are not equipped to walk with us through devastating life experiences or unimaginable, unexpected life events. It can be terribly isolating when family, friends or faith communities, though well intentioned, are unable to provide the safety, understanding and nurturing that we need in a season of life where we are deeply & intimately wounded.
Most people do not comprehend the confusion, loneliness, sorrow, anger, anxiety and pain experienced on a daily basis from betrayal trauma as a result of the impact of a spouse's hidden choices in exploring problematic sexual behaviors. The world does not stop while your heart is bleeding, so you put on a smile and do your best to do what needs to be done during the day, the weeks, months or years.
The relationship between coach and client is unique. It is designed to empower your discovery of self, understanding of what has happened and to expand options and choices for what is possible ahead. You can be strengthened and grow in positive ways through this trauma using a trauma recovery model that centered on your safety and power of choice. In this relationship you will find both a knowledgable and empathetic approach to betrayal trauma as someone who has walked a similar path to the one you are on right now.
I want to encourage you to love yourself and get the support that you are worthy of receiving. Friend, there is NO SHAME in reaching out for help. Getting help is not an indication of lack or being less than, it is a sign of wisdom, strength and a very real part of being human.
You Can Do This!
This is where trauma informed life coaching comes in.
We need each other to heal well.
When first learning about our spouse or partners confusing, hidden, problematic sexual behaviors we are thrust into a situation where we realize loss of control. We thought we knew our spouse, what else don’t we know?
This trauma often brings a disorienting mixture of deep emotions ranging from anger, grief, fear, anxiety to intense feelings of self doubt.
It is not irrational that we retreat in grief or trauma when nothing feels safe to us. Our brain is busy responding to a sense that our very life is in danger. As it is created to do, our brain is working hard to protect us from what it perceives as a serious threat to life. (Thank you, brain!)
On-going trauma is extremely dis-regulating internally, impacting the entirety of our lives, more and more. This is not a place to get comfortable, to settle or remain for an extended period of time.
This is the time to enter into safe, trustworthy relationships to begin processing trauma. Learn how to co-regulate with safe others, to self regulate and ground, to enter into dedication to self-care in order to begin to heal.
When both spouses are doing good sobriety and recovery work, this creates space for potential relational repair as well.
You are not the trauma. You are not damaged goods. You are not less than.
I encourage you to gain understanding, learn skills and utilize tools that will help you take actions towards peace, safety, healing and wellbeing.
We each move forward at our own paces. Each and every small step that we take, we move beyond trauma, further into the potential of actualized, life changing growth.
Equipped for Blooming
We were born into a hurting world with access to creative power which helps us learn resiliency, to rebuild and reform. There is a choice to either be buried underneath pain or stretch through it and blossom into your brilliance.
I believe that you were created to shine and that you are empowered
to change the course of your life. It is possible for your heart to heal
in less than desirable conditions, similar to the fire lily.
In the face of seemingly impossible situations, there is hope.
What is hard, heartbreaking and overwhelming does not have to
overtake you. These current life circumstances are NOT the
final judgement of what your life is about.
I want to help you find peace in the storm, the calm in the chaos,
healing in the hurting and the light in the darkness.
You were created to flourish. I really believe this!
I am committed to ongoing learning with loads of training under my belt. As such, I offer options for you to decide which specific elements to incorporate into your unique healing process. Combined, these methods provide valuable safety, stabilization, reconnection and development towards your personal wellbeing, individual wholeness and potential relational recovery/maturation.
I cannot wait to watch you bloom!
Somatic Healing Experiences
BRAINSPOTTING: Invitation to SELF DISCOVERY
We can sometimes feel stuck while having a strong desire to evolve. It can feel like cyclical thinking or that we just cannot seem to move past a painful or confusing circumstance or event. BSP can help when we feel emotionally or mentally frozen or overwhelmed.